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Embalmer is the new clown

Updated: Jan 24, 2021

"You're such a clown" is something I have heard time and time again, never used in a complementary fashion. Clowns have historically been the subject of ridicule, constantly getting mocked and maligned. Numerous horror movies further depict clowns as dangerous and evil. "Hey Bozo" or "Maybe you should join the circus, clown" are also commonly used to denigrate others (I know I've used it).


Yet most clowns are simply there to entertain kids or put smiles on the faces of hospital patients (and no I'm not just referring to Patch Adams).


But folks, I feel its time we gave the clown a break. I mean REALLY, aren't there other professions to pick on ?


Its time to put the lid on these endless jokes and wisecracks about clowns and also garbagemen (what do they call them these days "waste collectors" as if they're in the business of collecting precious metals or something? I mean don't you just love how we now embelish the names of even the most mundane professions I mean what is a toilet attendant called these days a Restroom Operational Manager??)


Why don't we transfer our mockery and switch our attention to another profession: embalmers. I mean, come on, what kind of clown would want to work in this field?


Who the heck grows up wanting to be an embalmer?! Imagine a 12 year old being asked by his peers or elders "so Jimmy what would you like to be when you grow up?" "Um , I would like to embalm people you know cut them open and stuff". Okay there Chucky. Lets make sure our kids don't hang out with this freak.


So the other day, I was trying to picture the actual work being performed by an embalmer. They cut the body open, drain the blood, stuff it like a gddam Thanksgiving turkey , as well as add chemicals, perfumes and makeup to the outer body. Again, how can ANYONE outside of a vampire actually want to choose this as a PROFESSION.


I mean ever wonder what really goes on once the body is carved open? You know, when the embalmer is alone with the dead corpse, do they occasionally clown around and put some weird items in there. Hmm. I think I'll toss in some skittles, a leftover sandwich, perhaps a chia pet for good measure?


Or do they try playing Tickle Toes in the hopes of getting a sudden reaction from the stiff at hand?

Speaking of stiffs...I mean...is it possible that...(ok ok this is getting really twisted, I'll stop right there)


I know what you're probably thinking. Quit the act, clown. I thought this was supposed to be about paying more respect to clowns, so how did this turn into a personal fetish blog?




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