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Let's put an end to nonsensical idioms (Part Deux)

So about those really, really silly and illogical idioms. Which ones drive you absolutely nuts? Or, cross that, crazy. Because driving someone nuts is another damn nonsensical and absolutely inexplicable idiom in itself. And it too has to go.

I was watching a hockey game a couple of weeks ago. My home team, the hapless Habs (nickname for the Montreal Canadiens), were trailing 4-1 when the opposing team scored the 5th goal with a little less than 4 minutes left in the game. The commentator spat out another common cliché or expression that is often heard in the sports world "and they just put the final nail in the Canadiens' coffin". What??? What on earth does this mean? I mean if someone is already in the coffin, presumably, that individual is already dead right? Does it matter if all the nails in the coffin have been hammered in? It's not like if they don't put in that final nail, the deceased person might get up and crawl his way out of the casket (unless you believe in Zombies, or heck if that person happened to be named Jesus and it was 3 days after Easter). But yet we continue to use and accept this and other fallacious expressions.

Or how about the famous saying "it takes two to tango". I mean pleaaaase. Can you imagine if three people were to tango, what a catastrophe that would be! This could potentially be worse than having a couple of individuals with "two left feet" botching this beautiful Argentinian dance. Surely, the graceful and delectable tango deserves better than to be tarnished by this ludicrous choice of words.

And what about some of the idioms that should or would not be considered politically correct in this brand new woke world, like "its all Greek to me" or "pardon my French". The former is used to describe something that is incomprehensible or hard to understand. I get it if you haven't learned the Greek language (or, watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding), it may be difficult to understand a conversation between two Greek people. But, heck, is it any harder than understanding Japanese, Creole, Mandarin, or a drunk Aussie? Why pick on the Greek. I have absolutely no clue, and I must admit, that it's all Greek to me too (that wasn't meant to rhyme). As for "pardon my French", listen, French is my mother tongue, and I sure as hell won't apologize for that :). But seriously, this idiom was designed to show regret over one's profanity. And I get it. Here in Quebec, and perhaps in France too, we do swear quite often. But more than others? I won't comment, let's just say the cat's got my tongue....

Let's finish off this meaningless blog with some rapid-fire idioms (you're still here right?):

"I slept like a baby": really, were you teething and crying all night? Did you soil yourself? Did mommy bring you the bottle and rock you to get you to fall asleep again? Listen, if you'd slept like a baby you would not be boasting about it, and you'd actually be exhausted the next day...

"Getting a taste of your own medicine": first of all, you're not a pharmacist, a mixologist, or anything remotely close. So you probably don't even have a clue how to make medicine. And, if you did, chances are that if it was your own medicine, you'd make it actually taste good no? Again, who on earth would create something that tastes disgusting, then proceed to gulp it down, all in the spirit of teaching themselves a lesson?

"Bob's your uncle": Why designate Bob as your uncle?? What if your uncle was called Waleed, Safir, or Pushpa? And how is it that after all these years Bob is still everybody's damn uncle? Everything is NOT alright (what this idiom means) if Bob is still around after all these miserable years. It can't be. The poor guy has played uncle to so many people around the damn globe, you'd think by now he'd be exhausted, on the verge of retirement, and looking for his next replacement. But no siree Bob, Bob is a true sport, and he remains faithful to his countless nieces and nephews.

And, last, but not least, "Break a leg": Yes, you heard right, it's meant in this part of the world to be used when you want to wish someone....good luck. So, you tell them to go break a limb. Imagine for a second saying that to a skier before their race, or a runner about to begin competing in a marathon. Have you ever considered how that may make them feel? Perhaps they will suspect you of being "green with envy", accuse you of not "calling a spade a spade", tell you that you should "eat your words", or simply just "lay your cards on the table".

Either way, I better stop here before I talk your ear off....

Ta ta....

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