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The Toddlers Strike Back: Ambush on our neighbor

Updated: Jan 24, 2021

This was not a usual summer morning for me my cousin and my brothers. We had been plotting our revenge on one of our neighbors for over 2 months. Not that she had done anything particularly bad to us but I had convinced them she needed to be taught a lesson.

The plan was elaborate, the scheme was devious. I had purchased 5 mega-sized water guns for use in our upcoming invasion on her house. My 2 little brothers and a younger cousin as my accomplices, me as the Commander-in-Chief. We all got together that morning , circa 8 am. We told our parents we were going to play baseball at the nearby park. We left with dark bags each and even darker sunglasses , covering our faces with mini robber masks, (and mini-sips to quench our thirst- yes this was the 80s after all).

My cousin Sal was on his way over by bike. I explained the plan to him and my clueless brothers. The neighbor was a notorious teacher at our school, who had tried to pass a law reducing vacation days. She wanted the school year to continue till early July and this was a sacrilege that had to bring about severe consequences. Young and naïve as my brothers and cousin were, they bought into yet another one of my mischievous proposals. And so we set off on our long journey (she lived only two blocks away). Four junior Rambos going to war for reasons they never quite understood, rebels without a cause, led by a ruthless 10-year old dictator (yes that would be me). I had instructed the little evil-doers to ring the door bell, and, as soon as the neighbor would open her door they would move into her house immediately and start spraying away. Little did they know I had filled their water guns with a concoction of bad perfume, grape juice and dog urine. I would then sneak in behind them as they created a distraction and go spray the clothes in her bedroom closet. My brother Ralph questioned whether she would get upset. Keeping a serious face as best I could I explained to them that deep down she really wanted her house cleaned but that she couldn't afford it and that sometimes people are afraid to ask for help. That at worse, given it was ONLY water, she might just get a kick out of this. The little clones proceeded to ring the doorbell. At the sight of these 3 cute little boys the teacher smiled. But before she had even had the chance to blink the guerrillas had already sprayed her in the face and had proceeded to blanket her house with the most hideous of smells. Soon covered in this glorious concoction from her head to her (camel) toes she yelled frantically and began gesturing for them to stop. Only it was too late. My brother Ralph was already standing on her living-room sofa, busy at work spraying the Louis XV furniture along with the wallpaper-covered walls. And my cousin was busy finishing her off, while the other brother was in her bedroom "polishing" off the inside of her armoirs.

But I, of course, was nowhere to be found. Where was I during Watergate you may be asking? I was hiding behind the bushes outside her house, having made sure she had never seen me, laughing and rolling around like a filthy hyena.

Unfortunately, when I got home, my parents weren't laughing quite as hard. Our neighbor soon left the city, and I was promptly grounded for days, busy at work, plotting my next attack.

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