RIP, Mister Potato Head.
IT had to be done. Putting the kibosh on the potato. Mister Potato Head was simply becoming too big for his own good. Truthfully, he had...
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Paul Simon
- Feb 4, 2022
- 3 min
Old Man Winter strikes again
Old Man Winter. Ya either hate him....or you really f'n hate him. If you live in a part of the world that has harsh winters, then you...
16 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 31, 2022
- 3 min
Let's put an end to nonsensical idioms (Part Deux)
So about those really, really silly and illogical idioms. Which ones drive you absolutely nuts? Or, cross that, crazy. Because driving...
21 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 29, 2022
- 3 min
Please, stop with your g'damn Charley Horse
It is one of my biggest pet peeves. Expressions that make absolutely no sense. Real head-scratchers. You hear someone use one, and it...
25 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 11, 2022
- 5 min
Good Customer Service is something that died a LONG time ago
We have all had, at one point or another, a horrendous customer service experience. Whether it happened at the airport, while checking...
25 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 8, 2022
- 3 min
Save the kids from becoming extraterrestrials!
In Back to the Future, once Marty had returned from the 1950s and saved his family, his plan was just to enjoy the moment, his new life,...
40 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 6, 2022
- 4 min
She told me how to walk this way....
No, no she didn't. This is on YOU and YOU only. And frankly, there is only one way to resolve this matter: hand you a 500$...
26 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Nov 23, 2021
- 5 min
Serve it up (but don't expect me to eat it)
We've all had this nightmare at least once in our lifetime. Receiving that dreaded dinner invitation that you just can't say no to. And...
23 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Oct 22, 2021
- 4 min
Just zip it (I don't want to hear your life story)
Y'all know one for sure. Motor mouths, Blabbering Betties, Barking Bobs, call'em what you like, I'm sure you agree, they are annoying as...
21 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Oct 18, 2021
- 3 min
You'd make Pinocchio proud (on exaggerated advertising)
A couple of weeks ago, as I sat in the chair getting my dental procedure, an advertisement on the screen in front of me caught my...
24 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Oct 15, 2021
- 4 min
Mr Dressup caught shopping at local superstore
If you live in a relatively posh neighborhood like I do, there is a certain level of shame at being caught shopping at your local dollar...
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Paul Simon
- May 5, 2021
- 3 min
Punching a Polymath square in the mouth
I'm sure you've met one. You know, that person in your family or group of friends that can fix anything. Not just fix anything, but build...
51 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Apr 25, 2021
- 5 min
Can we do away with weddings altogether ?
I can't hide it. Weddings really touch a nerve with me, a sore spot. There is nothing I dread more than that wedding invitation arriving...
26 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Mar 15, 2021
- 5 min
Never try to cover up a balding head before an interview
Many years ago, when I was in my mid 20's, I began noticing something most of us men dread more than anything: I was balding. My head was...
22 views1 comment
Paul Simon
- Feb 27, 2021
- 3 min
Manipulative advertising: Are they taking us for bozos?
Our favorite Canadian coffee chain (The One who shall Not be named- to quote Harry Potter) recently launched a series of TV ads...
43 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Feb 17, 2021
- 2 min
Turning Hospitals into Big Top Circuses
As I left the hospital a couple of days ago, I noticed how drab and depressing everything was. It had been a while since I'd set foot in...
30 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Feb 14, 2021
- 3 min
My brother dubbed the UNICEF orphan
We were having our monthly school assembly. The purpose was to raise awareness about world hunger, and a representative from UNICEF had...
21 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Feb 9, 2021
- 2 min
Even Frankenstein had a "beautiful" baby
My wife, who's actually an introvert, has this disturbing propensity to talk to strangers. Not in a creepy way and not with every...
28 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 31, 2021
- 3 min
Physio or Sex therapy? Alternative treatment at the local clinic
Many years ago I was dealing with significant ankle pain. And so, like every reasonable, logical individual would do, I booked an...
17 views0 comments
Paul Simon
- Jan 30, 2021
- 3 min
Super Mario overindulges on (Magic) Mushrooms
October 1995. After graduating from University, I had decided to leave my hometown of Montreal in the hopes of finding a job in beautiful...
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