Lost in Translation

The trend observed in numerous Western countries is increasingly evident in our own community as well. I'm not referring to political divides or the fact that parks are largely deserted because kids and teenagers are more focused on developing strong thumbs—due to their addiction to devices—rather than engaging their whole bodies and minds in exercise...I'm referring to baby boomers retiring, selling their homes, and newly arrived immigrants swooping these up and moving....next door. Just to be perfectly clear, I love immigrants, my parents came from abroad, and I believe they are generally a positive add to any society.

But new arrivals also come with a different baggage (not talking luggages here) of experiences, rituals, habits, traditions and also, at times, a lack of awareness of how people do certain things in their country of adoption.

A few weeks ago, a family with a young boy moved in next door. We visited them, and like good neighbors, we introduced ourselves and offered our assistance in any way possible. They appeared to be genuinely grateful, although their limited English made it difficult for them to fully express themselves.

A few days later, as I was setting up the water sprinkler due to several dry and hot days, the husband came outside and began to stare at me intently, looking completely bewildered.

The initial thought that crossed my mind was whether my pants were still on. Once I confirmed they were, my next concern was if there was a tear in them. The third thought was whether a bird had just dropped something on my balding head... and I'll spare you the details of what my fourth thought consisted of...

"How you do?" was what eventually came out of his mouth.

"Good you. How you do?"

"Good. But how you do it?"

Wife then came outside looking at me like I was wearing a clown suit or some Halloween costume.

I proceeded to shut off the hose and walked closer to them.

"Sorry I don't understand. What am I doing?"

"Water" replied the husband, who went by the name 'Ryan'.

Confusion. Inability to comprehend each other. Frustration began to set in.

I tried harder. "Are you asking about the lawn? This is the grass. How do I water it?", sounding like an AI chat site

"Yes"

"Oh Ok you just attach this (the sprinkler) to this (the hose). That's it" (I may have mumbled a WTF in there as well)

"Yes but how you get... the water"

"Dude the water is free. You just turn the handle and sploosh water comes out of this hose into sprinkler and water goes everywhere" I explained, gesticulating like an improv actor (heck at times I felt like I was playing Charades)

"Oh, Ok Thank you.....but where you buy"

I started glancing around to check if I was being recorded. Maybe the Just for Laughs crew was nearby, attempting to capture some footage, and I was their target for the day. Come on, come on, where is it, where are you hiding?

A couple of weeks later I was bathing in my pool and while walking up my patio stairs, looked over to the neighbor's backyard. The pool was dark green, and I swear I saw some lily pads and a couple of frogs floating on there.

That evening I noticed the couple driving into their driveway and I decided to walk over.

"You pool in the backyard (I was beginning to speak like them), do you know how to clean the water..?"

"Oh yes yes...no what we do it cannot swim right"

"No, well, the frog can swim but you can't " (sorry I couldn't help myself)

"So what should we do?" I explained that they had a saltwater pool and that the first step was to contact a pool cleaning company. This company would significantly lower the water level (accompanied by lots of gesturing, much to the amusement of a few passersby who might have thought I was an amateur mime), they will add chemicals, eventually when it clear up some salt, and also ensure the equipment was working properly. Within days, they would have a clean pool, free of frogs or other creatures lurking beneath the surface.

The following day, while heading to my car, I observed multiple vehicles parked outside my neighbor's house and noticed people moving to and from their backyard, one carrying a bucket. Curious, I decided to be a bit nosy and investigate.

What I found was truly worthy of a documentary. Over a dozen friends (?) of theirs, one by one, using buckets to empty the pool, and dumping it on the street. This went on for hours at time.

I considered saying something, but ultimately decided to sit back, and just enjoy the entertainment. Even ran inside to make some instant popcorn.

I mean this was live comedy folks, and not worth interrupting.

A few hours later (days, had their pool actually been of decent size), the pool was at about a quarter the level it originally was. And I I decided to just walk over to their backyard.

"You emptied the pool on your own. Did you buy chlorine shock?"

"What is that" "To kill the algae, to clear up..."

"No, just salt now....."

As I hesitantly turned my head to glance at the pool once more, my heart started to race. Right there and then, the wife and some of their friends were sprinkling table salt into the pool, as if they were making a giant soup.

As I slowly walked away, tears (of laughter) began to roll down my face. Well, at least I tried, I told myself, but, seemingly, some things you just can't translate.