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Cooking meth in my swimming pool

Rest assured folks, I'm not trying to follow in the footsteps of Walter White. But I do have a chemical imbalance....in my pool (and perhaps in my brain too)


The situation: it's been nearly 5 summers now that my inground pool has had something called "yellow mustard algae": a rare form of algae that typically only grows in warm climates (I live in Montreal), tends to live in fresh water (again, it's in my pool, frozen over 4-5 months of the year) and is, Lord behold, extremely difficult to treat.


How on earth it ended up here is a mystery not only to myself (and my limited knowledge of pool maintenance or chemistry) but to all the pool maintenance experts who have paid (and I have also paid them handsomely) me a visit these past few summers.


Heck, even my dad, a chemical engineer (and probably a closer clone of Walter White), cannot for the life of him figure out how to fix this mess.


So, many questions may be coming to your mind at this instant: like why is it called yellow mustard algae and can you spread it on a hot dog? Why wouldn't shocking it with super potent chlorine kill it given chlorine can kill virtually every living thing and probably exorcise demons too (except of course, this yellow gooey algae and -go figure- it would actually kill ALL OTHER forms of algae)? Have you tried other chemicals, or a combination thereof, to rid yourself of this annoyance? You check your phosphorus levels, the free chlorine, the cyanuric acid? YES. Check check and check!


I've tried everything: pouring obscene amounts of liquid chlorine (to the point where I had to go to different Canadian Tires so as to not deplete their existing stock or have them call the police thinking is this planning something dangerous?), emptying the pool and scrubbing it relentlessly, replacing the entire pool equipment, heck even trying outlandish things recommended on the internet like baking soda, vinegar (white, not balsamic, though that may be next on my list), hydrogen peroxide (getting bulk amounts of this, here in Canada, is borderline impossible- unless you work in a hospital...hmm perhaps ...I could...dress up a ...no, no not worth getting caught and locked up...but then again....)


And of course every so-called expert with their futile words of advice like this one dude who told me last summer: "trees, shrubs, leaves increase the phosphorus in your pool which in turn can lead to....". Ah ZIP IT. Seriously bro SHUSH! I have no trees in my backyard!


Or this other pool cleaning company that suggested I "adjust your salt levels, balance the acidity..." What is this a goddamn soup??


Honestly, I'm just about to throw in the towel, cover up this pool and with my luck, mustard plants will then probably start growing from the soil even if these plants typically only grow in places like the Himalayas!





















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