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The Contrarians

Updated: Aug 21, 2023

You know at least one of these degenerates. That hat sly smile crazy-glued to their pathetic face. Desperate attention-seekers. These people (and I use the term loosely) will oppose every single thing you say. Even the most obvious of statements, all with the sole intent to be different.


So who are these highly annoying, morally void individuals that I speak of?


Folks, meet The Contrarians.


Their sole purpose in life is to oppose to be defiant, to disagree with everyone everywhere ALL THE TIME (editor's note: Correction they actually serve two purposes: not just to be oppositional, but also to SUCK YOU DRY.


Case in point I was out with friends a couple of weeks ago. And one such individual (who unfortunately happens to be part of our "entourage") decided to pipe up during a conversation we were having on the weather in Montreal this summer. I merely mentioned it had been wet, often chilly, and quite unpredictable (stats support this). But the resident clown would have nothing of it "Really? I find it's been a beauuuuuutiful summer!" he claimed, drawing the ire of everyone at the table.


As he sat there regurgitating his utter nonsense, all I could do was stare at that big, fat mouth of lies and picture myself sticking one of the many entrees laying there on the table. A steaming hot spring roll perhaps? A spicy jalapeno pepper could keep him quiet for a few minutes no ? Or should I mosey on over to the kitchen and fetch him a large zucchini? Either way I had to find a way to enforce some sort of penalty on this impotent fool....


Naturally, I could have opted for a more civilized approach which would have been to point out to this extreme Contrarian that statistics showed that July had in fact had 3 times, yes THREE TIMES, the amount of precipitation typically seen for this month. I could have also brought up the horrible forest fires that brought our air quality down to one of the worst in the world (including Third-World countries), the numerous floodings that took place in the past few weeks, or even the highly unusual and drastic change in temperature we would often see in but a span of a few hours on virtually a daily basis...


But now what would be the point this individual was not going to change his ways based on facts (my vote was to opt for the zucchini-therapy instead)?


People like him just have a way of getting under your skin.


You could show them a picture of a zebra, they would question whether it could be an albino horse. Mention a restaurant that has had poor reviews? They would likely object and claim it was the meal they had their would be fit for kings. Bring up your favorite sports team that so happens to be in last place in the standings, they would try and convince you that you are looking at the standings upside down!!


I mean how is one to handle such arrogant and pompous ass*s?! Do we just give in, play their game, agree that white is black, hair on the back is an attractive physical trait (don't laugh I have some), and that the world is actual flat like an IHop pancake?


Or to we try and take a deep breath, then proceed to try and find some sort of middle ground given trying to win the argument will likely prove futile?


Perhaps before seeing these wingnuts one should just give in and pop a couple of magic mushrooms, in order to be on equal footing and be able to see what their world filled with delusion and fiction actually looks like?


Someone, somewhere needs to find a legitimate (and yes, ethical) way to put the kibosh on these floundering fish, before this mushrooming movement reaches uncontrollable proportions.











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