Updated: Jan 24, 2021
Most if not all of us have at one point been Facebook members. Whether it be to keep in touch with friends or family who live abroad, to promote our products or services or even join our favorite groups, or for some to voice their political views (those being annoying as hell).
And then you have the complete weirdos. The ones who are not part of any groups, do not have a business, and frankly, probably don't have a lot of friends of acquaintances either. So, what are these obscure characters (hey drop the “well it takes one to know one” bit) doing on Facebook?
I believe these hoodlums fall into three categories: The first, I call the "voyeurs" (oh come on you know damn well who you are) , who spend time gawking at, analyzing in a creepy sort of way, their ex’s, or the “ones that got away”. Possibly also the ones they still have their eyes on but who happen to be in a relationship. Don’t believe my claim? Check this Canadian graduate student’s thesis which was, precisely, about ex’s and their use of Facebook (she found that 88% of people surveyed were in fact spending endless time “Facebook-stalking” their previous loves It's Complicated: Romantic Breakups and Their Aftermath on Facebook (uwo.ca))
The second category is the jealous, insecure ones whom I’ve dubbed “The Doomsday Hopefuls”. You know the type, eternally dissatisfied with their own lives, belongings, relationships, careers and so forth. They go on Facebook to establish their own worth. They are simply there to see and compare, internally relishing for any bit of bad news they can find either about their “friends” or about the world we live in “Oh Thomas lost his job huh…. oh such a shame. I still have mine….”. “John got divorced eh, interesting…. he doesn’t have it ALL after all…”, “Ah look at that experts are saying the Covid vaccines will fail, I guess we’re all in this mess for a while longer”….
And finally, there are the ones who are deeply, hopelessly, in need of some love, who need approval who desperately need the “likes”. These I call the “desperately seeking Susans” (hey they can be men, transgenders too, its just a term….). They need “likes” on their birthday (they will hold it against you if you don’t remember and if you happen not to have been on FB that day and missed it Lord help you because they will SEEK you OUT. By the way how can anyone with 1000 friends even manage this whole bday thing, it should be an automatic FB feature which just sends a wish on your behalf). They need you to acknowledge the fact they checked in everywhere whether it be the airport or a local grocery store. These people also love “tagging” people even to places those people never set foot in!
In closing, here’s some friendly advice: Careful who you accept as friends or you may find yourself guilted, tagged, or unbeknownst to you, stalked!