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Writer's picturePaul Simon

Turning Hospitals into Big Top Circuses

As I left the hospital a couple of days ago, I noticed how drab and depressing everything was. It had been a while since I'd set foot in one of these "entertainment venues" and I'd forgotten the morosity of it all. White walls, bland furniture, depressed workers, dejected patients, no music, no life, nothing! Now I was only there for a broken finger, and those around me seemingly for other minor issues, but everyone looked like they were being forced to sit on a porcupine. Misery just loves company I guess. But hey, cheer up, buttercup we can change that...


I get it, its a hospital. People don't show up there to be entertained, they aren't walking into a tropical resort or a circus. This isn't the Copacabana. But then again... why the hell can't it be?


Why can't we just flip the script. Turn the beat around. A sad song morphed into a happy melody. Out with the boring white hospital walls and in with some nice, colorful Caribbean pastel colors. Let's bring in the clowns, have them cycling around on their tricycles. Pink Flamingos. Penguins. Free Elephant rides. The works.


Throw in some Mariachi singers with the Mexican hats. Trapezists flinging from the ceilings. Strobe lights. Heck even an MC or a DJ with a Barry White voice.


Look, I realize this is not a Mental Health Institution (where you probably think I belong), but you are likely going to be in there for a while, so instead of being forced to stare at miserable-looking folks for a few hours, why not be entertained. If you are awaiting an operation, do your last few hours prior to going under the knife have to be boring and demoralizing too? If it's gonna be your last kick at the can, why not go out with a real bang, a worthy celebration. Don't be such a stiff.


Picture it. Wouldn't it liven the mood if the doctors and nurses were going around the corridors in their rollerblades, if they gave each other high and low fives? How bout the receptionist calling out Bingo numbers or the maintenance workers joining in for a Lip Sync competition or dressing up as mascots playing the Masked Singer.


Kids get their play area in the waiting rooms, why can't the adults? Tiki bars would be nice don't you think. Put in some dancing poles while we're at it.


I mean you're in a place of sadness, a place we pay for in the form of very hefty taxes, should we not be entitled to a margarita, or do we have to suffer further and have to settle for that grotesque hospital coffee. Come on. We deserve gourmet coffees, decadent deserts, some mouth-watering churros and chileñitos . We shouldn't just have to accept mediocrity simply because we are in a hospital.


If you won't do it for us (I do hope you will), then do it for the sake of the children. Make it a fun place to be, let them forget what they are there for. But don't just stop at hiring a couple of Patch Adams impersonators, bring in the entire circus!







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